Skip to main content

Standstill

Little girl doesn't know when she grew up. She only remembers playing on the ground with uncomplicated friendships and swinging in the wind that doesn't sting. She doesn't remember when sadness and anger lost their simplicity. She doesn't remember when her freedom made her more trapped.

It gets complicated right?

That's life, isn't it?

But why does this roller coaster keeps going on, without any thrill? She prays for life to feel like the road trips through plain fields; steady and smooth. But it's like praying at hell's gates.

God only grants cursed wishes. And not the sort that's please grant me a broken bone. But the sort that makes you think this is what I want but it only bites you in the back. Because when I ask for a broken bone, I know I'm asking for pain and suffering, but what really kills is when you think something is good and it turns into pain and suffering. I wanted wings but who knew now I won't be able to walk again.

Little girl knows wishing to fly comes with fighting the winds and not flying close to the sun. Maybe she wasn't ready though. Maybe she won't ever be ready. But she wasn't even asking for much. She just wants to be ready for the uncertainty. The adrenaline rush to feel like she's on top of the world. But the adrenaline is just there, without any rush.

Roads don't always lead to known destinations but it's the journey that counts. But even the journey seems too adventurous to enjoy the sceneries. There are no plain fields anymore, just race course obstacles. And it's fun when you dodge and pass through, but when you crash the impact is too much.

Little girl doesn't know when she grew up. And it seems she can't stop.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

WILL YOU BE THERE ?

  Sometimes we just crave for someone's presence When a thousand thoughts cross the mind, The time passes just to rewind, Will you be there ? When the night is dark And the day is darker, When the words are sharp But the thoughts are sharper, Will you be there ? When in the best of situations Nothing seems right, When the days are scarier than the night, Being my twilight, Will you be there ? When in cloudy skies  I can't see the moon, I'll have my own  When you will be here, Will the time come soon ? And when the stars align The moments are rare, When we both have time Will you be there ?                                       ~ Akshita

Life Bled, Death Whispered, God Watched — Point-Blank

Today was rather cold. It's not uncommon for January mornings to be bone-chilling and windy, but today, I could feel the wind pass through my sweater, hit me point-blank, and extinguish the remnants of heat that my skin and bones radiated. Hitting at point-blank, being hit at point-blank—both are mutually exclusive events, but there's a contradiction; both are cohesive too. When a bullet leaves a gun and pierces the flesh of a living entity, it not only splatters the blood of its victim but also ravages the innocence of the perpetrator. When a lion tears the flesh of a dying deer, it not only eats parts of its prey but preys on parts of itself, too. When I am long lost in this smoke, when this nicotine roll burns in my hand, it's not the only thing burning. Death always occurs in pairs, but neither entity ends the same way as the other, and it's rarely instantaneous. It's more of a slow, gruesome, tragic, yet cinematic event. Death is always violent. Sometimes, it a...

Dying with Borderline

The face I see in the mirror of the woman looking at me feels foreign. I look at her while I dissociate. Are we the same? Do I live inside of her, or does she control me? Every waking moment, a thought creeps up: Is she sane? Am I ruining her life? What if I merge with her? Is that even possible? We look the same, yet we have no sense of familiarity. I fail to recognise her on most days. The picture she took a week ago seems so different; is that her real smile? Does her nose crinkle up? The ghost of me walks through the hallways of the college, smiling at people, sometimes strangers.  I have lost all control over her. We are two different beings now. The third one who recognises her shows up some days, but we don't let her stay. She dared to call me a monster while all I did was protect her. She knows she doesn't deserve love. We know it's never going to come our way. Her trying to look pretty only gets her looked at, stared at, and objectified. But we know that's the ...

approximation errors of life

  I just woke up from a fever dream and it dawned on me that the dream lasted too long and hasn’t been that long since I arrived. Does time move differently in dreams, with different experiences, does it relapse, can it not be stuck in a loop of my favorite childhood memory? I wake up with these questions, and I don’t quite know when is the right time to ask questions and when is the right time to answer them. The timing is important you see, when you choose to change the curve and when you accept the flow, it makes all the difference. Also, pardon my casual language, I just woke up from a fever dream. I think about existentialism and how the originality of human experiences causes self-alienation and how lonely the suffering can be ( yet I never wished any suffering on you ). I’m not a philosopher, educator, or a liberal arts student wandering and wondering about the technicalities of life ( i don’t know who the addressee is ), however, I still believe the originality of human e...

Flesh

It’s a spring day today. It’s summer in the sun and winter in the shade. My body does not know which season to belong to, so it lingers in the in-between, splitting itself apart. Half burning, half frozen. Half alive, half rotting. You understand this, don’t you? That feeling of being suspended between two selves, two states of being, neither of them quite yours. The warmth touches you, but it does not sink in. The cold nips at your skin, but you do not shiver. You are not here, not really. You are only the shadow you cast. Just like you, The enormity of my desires disgusts me. I want to be called beautiful. I want to be told I am loved—not once, not twice, but over and over again, until the words sink through my flesh, until they take root in my bones, until I become something soft, something sacred, something worth keeping. But I am made of spoiled meat, swollen with things that should not be here. I hold too much filth inside me—blackened regrets, sickness curdling beneath my ribs, ...

A bliss and surge in D

I happened to be alive. I happened to be aware and hoped to be conscious and in control of myself when I decided to visit D2. What is D2? Where is D2? It’s nowhere. Nowhere can be anywhere; anywhere with no name attached to it, anywhere that’s not anticipating to be noticed, anywhere which is desperate for your attention, anywhere may be beyond within or within beyond, or it may just be no where. What I did was – give a stage to my imagination and let it create a figment. Then I included it in my thoughts, provided it my flesh and soul. It started to get a structure as it found shelter against reality within me. I call it D. But my imagination, showcasing its dominance and control of my thought and eventually my reality made me believe, and I still do believe that D is not complete yet. It is enough the way it is. It is content being a part of me. Still it’s awaiting to embrace something that’s not me and yet it is nowhere. I am really sanguine about finding that. I would like D to fee...

The Silent Takeover

The air tonight is thick, darkness stretching out like a lie too polished, too staged. The city below glows in dim yellow light, but it is a deceptive kind of glow, shuddering like a breath too weak to hold on to. Somewhere, laughter spills from a distant window, but it is hollow, floating into the night like a shadow of what once lived. They say the night is beautiful. That it is a whispered promise, a fleeting touch, a sky too vast to hold. But beauty is often just a mask stretched thin over something ugly. The moon shines down, with a smile that does not reach my hollow heart, basking in radiance that was never truly its own. The stars blink like knowing eyes, but they are nothing but remnants of dead things, whispering from too far for us to listen. But the night does not love you. It does not listen to your secrets; it swallows them whole. It watches, as footsteps echo in deserted alleys, as shadows stretch under flickering streetlights. Somewhere, a deal is sealed with a quiet ha...